Monday, December 8, 2008

Smoking For Christ!

I've often wondered if God made tobacco so that churches would have a greeting committee. When you look out at any church, you will find a member or a dozen standing out front smoking a cigarette. As the people drift in, the smokers will nod and say Hi!, and patiently await the next opportunity to greet someone, gently puffing away.

God certainly had a plan for tobacco. It seems logical to me that the cigarette industry has been blessed over the years. I am certain I can make the case for promoting cigarette smoking if for nothing else than to make sure the people attending the church are greeted each Sunday.

At one church I attended, they bought several umbrellas so that the "Greeters" could walk people from their cars to the church without getting wet. I am pretty sure is wasn't me who said, "They are out there anyway."

As a consequence of being a smoker, you get to know all the people who attend church. You know who came this Sunday and who stayed home to watch the college football wrap up on television. You get to know the visitors faster, as well. The best part is that you know who brought what for the pot luck after church. If you are lucky, they will ask you to taste some of the fare as it passes by.

If we make everyone smoke, causing them to stand out in front of the church on Sunday, the rest of us will be blessed with all those extras usually saved for the smoking crowd.

I suggest, as the season of giving approaches, you find a nice carton of cigarettes for those Christians on your Christmas list this year. It will enhance their church-going experience and add to the friendly atmosphere at their church.

(This message brought to you by our new sponsor, Joe the Camel)

Until next time...

1 comment:

John A said...

Uh...Allen? It's closer to Dec 1 than April 1. Come to think of it that's a nice piece for the Onion...