Family

I find I often hate going to family reunions, weddings, and funerals. We all say the same things. "You look great!" "You haven't changed a bit." Well, we all know these are lies we tell each other so that we will not hurt their feelings and in hopes that we will receive the same kindness. As an opportunity to escape the drudgery would not avail itself to me in time to keep from going to the next tribal occasion, I spent the weekend dining and talking with my wife's family. The occasion? A wedding.

Now you know why I haven't posted the last couple of days. I was too busy eating great food, having good conversation, and struggling to keep my clothes on in the sultry heat of South Carolina in September.

Now the good food was a given. But the trouble with good food is that when you eat all that great stuff, your pants are now too tight. In the textile world, you can't just throw them on the dresser and return to the table. No, you have to find a way to discreetly unbutton the trousers and then pull your shirt tail out to hide the fact that your pants are gapping at the top. Perhaps next time I will have my wife sew in an extra flap for expansion.

Listening to all the gossip of the family kept my ears buzzing with anticipation all weekend. Nothing says great gossip than the whispered tones of two women hiding in the corner. With all the corners of that house and more women stuffed in those corners than should be allowed at one place, I spent much of my time wandering around the room trying to grab the latest bit of juicy news.

Unfortunately for me, I am a writer. Writers are a special breed of people. We are often shunned from gossip circles because of our propensity to use said gossip in our stories. Fear of being exposed to the world keeps most families from allowing their authors near any of the good gossip. The only exception is the one lady who can't keep any secret. Thank God for building one friend to the writing community.

If you must know, I really did enjoy the time with family. I am hoping there will be more of these and that God prevents me from escaping them. I just wish He would convert the family to nudism. Eating would be much more satisfying.

And the wife wouldn't spend two days complaining about spaghetti sauce on my pants.